So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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