How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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