Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
