Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
