About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm like, not good at living.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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