If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
