I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
