were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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