remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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