I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
