farters have to be the big spoon...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
