My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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