what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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