i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
