my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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