shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
