I looked at my own cervix.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
