Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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