god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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