5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
