I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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