Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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