Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
