Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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