I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your cock deserves a montage
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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