tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
