Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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