It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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