You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I did not marry a roomba.
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