Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
