dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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