I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
