Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
