Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
