I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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