its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
