Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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