You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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