So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
