Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
