Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
