oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
