Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
