I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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