Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
