Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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