I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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