Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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