the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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