I think I won the penis lottery.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
