its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm really into asian looking animals
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
