I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
