Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
