Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
