I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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