So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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