True but thats because hes a fetus.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
