She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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